10 - Neymar’s Untimely Death
After initially suffering a back injury against Colombia, news filtered through Brazil that Neymar had actually died when David Luiz lofted his shirt in tribute for all the world to see. Or at least that’s how it appeared during the ridiculous pre-match presentation proceeding the semi-final against Germany. Yet what started off a humorous distraction soon ultimately demonstrated just how much pressure the forward must have felt, revered as a deity by millions of fans. The remaining XI never recovered from his demise, recipients of crushing defeats twice over.

 

9 - Goodbye Legends
Brazil 2014 delivered the final performances on the grandest stage for 2010 champions Iker Casillas, Xabi Alonso, Xavi, David Villa, and Fernando Torres, alongside 2006 winners Gigi Buffon, Andrea Barzagli, and Andrea Pirlo. Other stars including Steven Gerrard, Misoslav Klose, and Diego Forlan departed the international game, leaving unfillable chasms for their respective teams. They will be missed.

 

 

8 - Imaginary Spray ©™

Footballers are cheating little miscreants who cannot be trusted to stand where they are told. As a consequence FIFA Macgyver-ed some kind of spray to create a magical disappearing line at the ref’s discretion, delivering an impenetrable ectoplasm between the wall and ball. Honestly, the World Cup was much more exciting than this. But for a game that’s hundreds of years old innovations like this are exciting, although it really demonstrates FIFA’s ability to fix problems that almost no one cares about.

 
 

7 - Italy’s Hierarchy Take Ownership of Errors
Whilst Roy Hodgson inisisted he had no reason to resign and Phil Scolari deliberated for days about his decision, Cesare Prandelli quit immediately following his side’s elimination at the group stage, along with President Abete. This is likely to have preserved his reputation somewhat, with an endearing willingness to accept performances were not good enough; an approach many England fans wish Roy Hodgson would take. Prandelli could possibly have stayed around longer was he was determined enough, able to point to the wonderful run the Azzuri made to the Euro 2012 final. But he is a man with dignity, taking full responsibility for the unacceptable performances. Italy may be in terrible shape right now, but thanks to Prandelli’s candour they can look to the future.



6 - Record Breaking Klose
The seventh law of thermodynamics states Miroslav Klose scores a World Cup goal every hundredth time someone makes a terrible pun with his name. As a result he has now scored more World Cup goals than any other player, although Ciro Immobile poses a real threat with his following of unoriginal half-witted luddites trumpeting boring choruses of quasi-ironic one-liners. Ranting aside, his achievements are unparalleled and demonstrate the kind of consistency and longevity few players will ever replicate. The fact that he will not be remembered in the same bracket as Ronaldo, Mueller or Pele yet ranks above them all says all you need to know about his footballing personality.



5 - Underdogs
Whilst none of them actually progressed past the fancied sides in the knockout rounds, World Cup 2014 was the year underdogs made themselves known. Costa Rica headed a group comprising three former champions, Colombia and Chile were literal inches away from knocking out Brazil, and even Algeria almost eliminated the eventual champions Germany. This made it even more disappointing that none of them could make it through the knockout rounds, but many ‘Team of the Tournament’ nominations will contain previously unfancied Costa Rican defenders alongside Algerian midfielders.



4 - Introducing: James Rodriguez
Following on from moment 5 – James Rodriguez, whom to many pre-June was simply a player with potential, showed that he is ready to perform now. Few would’ve predicted the Monaco forward would top the scoring charts in Brazil but in the absence of Radamel Falcao he was Colombia’s star man. Now linked with a massive move to Madrid he is the revelation of the tournament, winning fans all-over with his Messi-esque dribbling and a goal that will be remembered for decades.

 

3 - Suarez’s Face Bumps Into Cheillini’s Shoulder
Luis Suarez is persecuted wherever he goes. A nothing-incident against Italy saw his face bump into Georgio Cheillini’s shoulder, but when the match was over, there were ludicrous claims Suarez bit him! The Uruguayan protested his innocence right away saying "These are just things that happen out on the pitch. It was just the two of us inside the area and he bumped into me with his shoulder, and that’s how my eye got like this as well." But the delusion of the rest of the world got to him and he was forced to “admit” what happened before he was permitted a move to Barcelona. Why always me?



2 - The Reign of Spain Is No More
Upon arriving in Brazil, Spain would’ve expected no less than to reach the latter stages of the tournament. They were in a tough group, but they were also one of the most dominant teams to grace modern football. Everything was going swimmingly 45 minutes in when they comfortably led 1-0 against Holland. Yet a capitulation lay in wait, with a spirit crushing second half 5-1 Dutch defeat, followed by a 2-0 loss to the courageous Chile. Alongside Australia they were chronologically the first team eliminated; no one was safe in Brazil.

 

1 - Germany Desecrate Brazil
Truly, no one was safe in Brazil; not even Brazil themselves. In what will be regarded as one of the most astonishing games the World Cup will ever see, Germany scored five first half goals to completely overpower and outmanoeuvre a frankly pathetic Brazil, ultimately prevailing 7-1. A loss that will never be forgotten, the Selecao embarrassed themselves beyond repair, whilst Die Mannschaft positioned themselves as the potential dominant force of international football for the foreseeable future. A seminal moment in international sport, and surely the best of Brazil 2014.

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